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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (2811)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

#21292851
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29410) - you deserved it (1790)

On 11/05/2014 at 5:52pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37722) - you deserved it (5910)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

#21274254
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26944) - you deserved it (2389)

On 10/09/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by gonesofast - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

#21270609
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36207) - you deserved it (2582)

On 10/04/2014 at 10:58am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38702) - you deserved it (12731)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32126) - you deserved it (3550)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

#21255951
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35987) - you deserved it (3035)

On 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by no - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

#21252828
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36735) - you deserved it (6406)

On 09/06/2014 at 2:11am - work - by fastfoodslave (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42957) - you deserved it (4940)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41869) - you deserved it (3882)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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