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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30254) - you deserved it (11920)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

#15919270
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30617) - you deserved it (7672)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm - misc - by Text - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42851) - you deserved it (6879)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

#15871654
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33124) - you deserved it (11523)

On 04/21/2011 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

#15532059
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (6406)

On 03/28/2011 at 3:10pm - love - by AFGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

#15354612
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29774) - you deserved it (3321)

On 03/17/2011 at 5:26pm - misc - by boom - United States (Maryland)

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

#15313960
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (38668)

On 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm - kids - by mommylovesu (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

#14994829
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29528) - you deserved it (6417)

On 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm - misc - by Ihavealisp (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

#14974571
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39919) - you deserved it (3501)

On 02/14/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by surfergal91 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

#14873123
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35075) - you deserved it (3120)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm - misc - by LimpMcgee (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

#14727307
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25626) - you deserved it (7565)

On 01/27/2011 at 12:11am - misc - by iamlauraheremecry (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

#14593479
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (19360)

On 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

#14558883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21828) - you deserved it (3316)

On 01/12/2011 at 9:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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