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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

#17801637
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11586) - you deserved it (39478)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by mortenp - United States (Maryland)

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

#17751654
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32539) - you deserved it (1871)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by poop towel - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

#17677106
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31387) - you deserved it (6351)

On 09/06/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by foreseeingabreakup (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

#17618685
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9645) - you deserved it (27643)

On 08/30/2011 at 2:30am - work - by rojin12 - United States (Maryland)

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

#17597483
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24835) - you deserved it (4872)

On 08/27/2011 at 6:30pm - health - by acnebutt - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

#17365713
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9752) - you deserved it (72231)

On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

#17351481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (2921)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:01am - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38433) - you deserved it (2720)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

#16393270
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9880) - you deserved it (46827)

On 05/28/2011 at 9:56pm - misc - by shouldhavecheckedthelock (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

#16334194
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32894) - you deserved it (4322)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm - kids - by OhDear (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (11913)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

#15919270
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30525) - you deserved it (7668)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm - misc - by Text - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42790) - you deserved it (6873)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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