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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

#20155705
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32411) - you deserved it (1737)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by Screwed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

#20150050
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17789) - you deserved it (1847)

On 11/06/2012 at 2:59am - misc - by Unappreciated Grandchild - United States (Maryland)

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24411) - you deserved it (2475)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

#20131002
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25935) - you deserved it (2309)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

#20077487
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23407) - you deserved it (2149)

On 09/18/2012 at 7:22am - love - by thanksfamily (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

#20053819
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18940) - you deserved it (4534)

On 09/02/2012 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

#20047830
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31471) - you deserved it (6128)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

#20023605
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22596) - you deserved it (1573)

On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

#19940108
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7110) - you deserved it (36106)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:45am - health - by scooter922 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

#19818788
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26771) - you deserved it (2936)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by phonnah - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

#19791305
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10491) - you deserved it (36173)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

#19782263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (3270)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by sopissed - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

#19756673
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29913) - you deserved it (1794)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm - misc - by somebody - United States (Maryland)



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