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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

#19940108
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6458) - you deserved it (33991)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:45am - health - by scooter922 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

#19818788
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25001) - you deserved it (2797)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by phonnah - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

#19791305
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9748) - you deserved it (34417)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

#19782263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24392) - you deserved it (3050)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by sopissed - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

#19756673
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28035) - you deserved it (1650)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm - misc - by somebody - United States (Maryland)

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

#19708903
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27728) - you deserved it (2154)

On 05/31/2012 at 8:43am - kids - by Discouraged - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

#19692066
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11115) - you deserved it (16958)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:24am - love - by stalked (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was choosing my soft drink at a restaurant. The kid in front of me was too short to reach the lids so I handed him one. His mom rushed over, pried it out of his hands, threw it away, and yelled, "She's filthy, don't use that." FML

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26440) - you deserved it (3003)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML

#19636760
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7718) - you deserved it (18300)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." FML

#19598076
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you deserved it (1728)

On 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm - work - by dan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

#19526549
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16556) - you deserved it (2316)

On 04/25/2012 at 9:25am - work - by IHateGroupProjects (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

#19505597
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23655) - you deserved it (2729)

On 04/21/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)



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