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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26326) - you deserved it (2997)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML

#19636760
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7694) - you deserved it (18230)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." FML

#19598076
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19899) - you deserved it (1723)

On 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm - work - by dan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

#19526549
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16476) - you deserved it (2304)

On 04/25/2012 at 9:25am - work - by IHateGroupProjects (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

#19505597
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23577) - you deserved it (2721)

On 04/21/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

#19322341
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19606) - you deserved it (6353)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by justwow (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

#19166508
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14185) - you deserved it (26432)

On 02/26/2012 at 8:53am - kids - by unknown - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

#18875593
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (10144)

On 01/21/2012 at 11:17pm - love - by Scumbagmemory (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

#18715700
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (4050)

On 01/05/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by awesome - United States (Maryland)

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27459) - you deserved it (3042)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

#18516583
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22397) - you deserved it (2815)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by rattlingfloorboards (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

#18222610
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27300) - you deserved it (2451)

On 11/11/2011 at 9:04pm - kids - by Username - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

#18162827
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31500) - you deserved it (6541)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:45am - misc - by sophhiee - United States (Maryland)



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