FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

by annababyyyy / 11/10/2014 at 12:01am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

by Awkward / 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

by team hit bella with a car / 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I was going to put some Italian dressing on my salad when I noticed that the oil and vinegar weren't mixed. After putting the cap back on, I shook as hard as I could. The cap came flying off and I showered myself in the dressing. FML

by imamess / 09/15/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

by new dog / 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

by hockusa3 / 09/11/2014 at 11:44am / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of boredom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

by annababyyyy / 08/24/2014 at 9:09pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

by muffins / 08/09/2014 at 9:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

by rachelhope / 07/11/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my long distance boyfriend told me no more nude pictures or sexting, as he's afraid the government will steal it all. FML

by ShadowReiku / 06/05/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

by BetterThanChocolate / 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals