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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53614) - you deserved it (7873)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

#20730678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42637) - you deserved it (5301)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51777) - you deserved it (8569)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

#20638884
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43135) - you deserved it (3320)

On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (4975)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

#20601828
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43031) - you deserved it (6840)

On 04/18/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by notlaughing (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

#20585643
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38260) - you deserved it (9204)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51350) - you deserved it (2542)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43896) - you deserved it (3662)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

#20524792
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35245) - you deserved it (3738)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm - misc - by segal1010 - United States (Maryland)

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7601) - you deserved it (48664)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29261) - you deserved it (3016)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32306) - you deserved it (5486)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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