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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75948) - you deserved it (4294)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (125422)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

#566984
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68928) - you deserved it (10315)

On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101352) - you deserved it (31171)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

#552501
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110648) - you deserved it (8171)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by MID12 (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

#540189
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79826) - you deserved it (4348)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Lily (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (216911) - you deserved it (35388)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81212) - you deserved it (5710)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

#274634
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68733) - you deserved it (8821)

On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

#271855
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48930) - you deserved it (15268)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by wotwzombie - United States (Maryland)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (18172)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

#198031
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110348) - you deserved it (7205)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by ILTali (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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