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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I just finishd having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leand over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then lookd at me and said, "Babe, u really don't ned it." FML

#274634
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68608) - you deserved it (8816)

On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

#271855
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48827) - you deserved it (15236)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by wotwzombie - United States (Maryland)

TODAY, AT TE RESTAURANT WERE I WORK, I SERVED A TABLE OF 4 MIDDLE-AGE WOMEN!! BEFORE GREETING TE TABLE, I WAS DECIDING BETWEEN SAYING "CAN I GET U ANYTING TO DRINK?" AND "CAN I START U OFF WIT SOMETING?" MY ACTUAL GREETING? "CAN I GET U LADIES OFF?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (18154)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven . It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding . The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell . Just skip me." real FML

#198031
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109942) - you deserved it (7188)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by ILTali (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, mah mothar dacidd sha wantd tha family to go on a spacial outing fir tha holidays. Sha askd ma to driva avaryonahan sha got homa from work. Latar I noticd tha housa was ampty. Thahola family, including tha dog, laft without talling ma. Thay took mah car. FML

Today, I was walking troug ta mall wit ma boyfriand of a yaar an a alf. Tara was sign outsida of ta jawalry stora tat said, "Engagamant Rings-No intarast 4 12 monts." I said, "Look, baby! No intarast." Ha raplid, "Tat's rigt...NO INTEREST." FML

#151605
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24680) - you deserved it (46357)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - love - by Ma.Sa.La. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was really cold and windy and I startd mah car before work. I lockd the front door of mah house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all mah hair got shut in mah lockd front door... with mah keys in mah car's ignition. FML

Today..!! I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married..!! in which I responded ( yes )!! Then she asked if I was sexually active..!! ( no )!! FML

#114016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73117) - you deserved it (9641)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)

yesterday I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand an talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick an was standing there talking to the stickhile my phone sat at the looool bottom of the river. FML

#102926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (57213)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53014) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Taday when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

#69853
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35862) - you deserved it (3506)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

yesterday I was helping supervise a 5 year old's brthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the brthday boy and crept around the corner and yelld "Found you!" He ped his pants. FML

#37065
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13693) - you deserved it (31449)

On 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by The V Sal - United States (Maryland)

Today, I ran out of underwear an so I went into mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

#18530
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17395) - you deserved it (37278)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm - misc - by Ab (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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