FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

by epicc1584 / 07/30/2009 at 8:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

by fatgirl4 / 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML

by fattie4life / 07/20/2009 at 6:33pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

by ChrisC / 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

by yeasty / 07/05/2009 at 8:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 4:34am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 4:02am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

by kitkat545 / 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation