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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17316) - you deserved it (50119)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

#2752400
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53191) - you deserved it (4065)

On 06/09/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by unfortunate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

#2749071
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53429) - you deserved it (16509)

On 06/09/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by ohwell (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

#2674765
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51249) - you deserved it (3270)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:25pm - kids - by Shelly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

#2609418
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44265) - you deserved it (4418)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by fmlprobot (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

#2501492
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44393) - you deserved it (3911)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

#2447996
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61718) - you deserved it (3128)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:37pm - love - by anoymus (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19194) - you deserved it (63845)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out my parents joined the mile high club. While I was on the plane. FML

#2257216
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67480) - you deserved it (4773)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58284) - you deserved it (3698)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

#2156907
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12196) - you deserved it (50336)

On 05/21/2009 at 7:46pm - misc - by liz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

#1688369
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52738) - you deserved it (11668)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

#1648033
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9472) - you deserved it (81452)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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