Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

#114016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72704) - you deserved it (9621)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17101) - you deserved it (55683)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52698) - you deserved it (3276)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

#69853
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33801) - you deserved it (3300)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

#37065
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12507) - you deserved it (30045)

On 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by The V Sal - United States (Maryland)

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

#18530
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17246) - you deserved it (36976)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm - misc - by Ab (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

#14837
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28342) - you deserved it (4611)

On 02/08/2009 at 11:30am - misc - by u_n0_mE - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

#14158
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (1681)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:39pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

#11033
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31080) - you deserved it (2795)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Fag_Hag (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (341314)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

#3148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21474) - you deserved it (2660)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by hgirl - United States (Maryland)

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

#3014
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (14901)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by bedrockmike - United States (Maryland)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: