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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80663) - you deserved it (5671)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

#274634
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66104) - you deserved it (8550)

On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

#271855
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47100) - you deserved it (14727)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by wotwzombie - United States (Maryland)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42577) - you deserved it (17707)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

#198031
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108921) - you deserved it (7155)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by ILTali (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mother decided she wanted the family to go on a special outing for the holidays. She asked me to drive everyone when she got home from work. Later I noticed the house was empty. The whole family, including the dog, left without telling me. They took my car. FML

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML

#151605
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23668) - you deserved it (45062)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - love - by Ma.Sa.La. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

#114016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72808) - you deserved it (9624)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (56129)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52774) - you deserved it (3278)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

#69853
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33857) - you deserved it (3304)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

#37065
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12540) - you deserved it (30098)

On 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by The V Sal - United States (Maryland)



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