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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

#902555
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48639) - you deserved it (2765)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by ellarose - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

#852008
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13021) - you deserved it (75012)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by gotmon3y (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (348266) - you deserved it (38603)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13059) - you deserved it (138692)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75422) - you deserved it (4263)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33705) - you deserved it (123494)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

#566984
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66268) - you deserved it (9845)

On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97605) - you deserved it (30231)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

#552501
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106474) - you deserved it (7850)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by MID12 (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

#540189
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76854) - you deserved it (4118)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Lily (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (212001) - you deserved it (35152)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)



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