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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

#1351662
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14107) - you deserved it (31715)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:13am - animals - by alikat (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

#1123097
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47950) - you deserved it (1524)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:48pm - health - by TT (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

#1068515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47660) - you deserved it (8961)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by woopwoop (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

#902555
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43224) - you deserved it (2067)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by ellarose - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

#852008
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10286) - you deserved it (60565)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by gotmon3y (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
907 comments

I agree, your life sucks (328814) - you deserved it (35684)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11929) - you deserved it (133661)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71330) - you deserved it (3914)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31478) - you deserved it (118392)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

#566984
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64257) - you deserved it (9575)

On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91360) - you deserved it (28436)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

#552501
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94559) - you deserved it (6029)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by MID12 (man) - United States (Maryland)



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