Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

#6122684
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18617) - you deserved it (40303)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by Rman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

#6046125
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (4174)

On 10/28/2009 at 9:09pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

#6007391
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36889) - you deserved it (6238)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by oralMistake - United States (Maryland)

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

#5981900
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28550) - you deserved it (10004)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by RC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

#5845760
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (4412)

On 10/15/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by Matt (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

#5796915
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35577) - you deserved it (8589)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

#5731008
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40375) - you deserved it (3508)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Augh. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37365) - you deserved it (3133)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

#5526124
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43771) - you deserved it (3923)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

#5423038
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44477) - you deserved it (15162)

On 09/23/2009 at 2:47am - love - by fatty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

#5291155
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52016) - you deserved it (3783)

On 09/16/2009 at 12:19pm - work - by Nakdnathan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

#5274396
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37456) - you deserved it (3125)

On 09/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by notcool - United States (Maryland)

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

#5266141
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26868) - you deserved it (7711)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: