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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML

#3910940
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36443) - you deserved it (7260)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by fattie4life (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

#3645286
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9210) - you deserved it (55418)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

#3511573
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38829) - you deserved it (3946)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:06pm - health - by yeasty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

#3483352
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34827) - you deserved it (2644)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

#3053802
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50205) - you deserved it (11318)

On 06/20/2009 at 4:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

#3041162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45463) - you deserved it (3330)

On 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

#2968002
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34628) - you deserved it (11656)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25756) - you deserved it (45818)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

#2914711
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46850) - you deserved it (6135)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

#2898294
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35365) - you deserved it (6708)

On 06/14/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by LP (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15325) - you deserved it (46419)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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