Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML

#8156006
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21999) - you deserved it (4023)

On 02/12/2010 at 1:20am - health - by a - United States (Maryland)

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

#8129133
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28113) - you deserved it (4556)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm - kids - by kbeavv - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

#7816615
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51183) - you deserved it (38579)

On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asks me out. I say "sure" sarcastically. She then calls my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

#7598388
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12882) - you deserved it (37415)

On 01/26/2010 at 9:12pm - love - by Aaron (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

#7563904
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35325) - you deserved it (4814)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

#7442500
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9476) - you deserved it (29364)

On 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by maximus (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

#7251449
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32697) - you deserved it (1993)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:01am - misc - by zenithbelana (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

#7229610
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (27054)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pervert (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was rejected for an internship due to 'lack of experience.' I have both an MA and a BA from a highly prestigious school and years of work experience. My would-be superior: a 24 year old without a graduate degree and only one year of work experience. She wore jeans to the interview. FML

#7137648
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31404) - you deserved it (3449)

On 01/04/2010 at 12:29am - work - by screwed (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

#7050852
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36469) - you deserved it (5384)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:01am - love - by 12345678 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

#6961000
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29327) - you deserved it (13118)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by blahppl14 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

#6949981
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (2562)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

#6945268
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22355) - you deserved it (3178)

On 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: