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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

#4382309
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58617) - you deserved it (3310)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:42am - misc - by oshitdonotwant (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

#4376703
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9027) - you deserved it (38147)

On 08/08/2009 at 1:04am - work - by ilikemusicokay (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

#4328474
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21173) - you deserved it (34781)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

#4256639
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49177) - you deserved it (6036)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

#4161962
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44216) - you deserved it (2220)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

#4156114
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44419) - you deserved it (3688)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

#3912171
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44330) - you deserved it (5531)

On 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm - misc - by fatgirl4 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML

#3910940
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (7125)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by fattie4life (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

#3645286
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8631) - you deserved it (53459)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

#3511573
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (3775)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:06pm - health - by yeasty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

#3483352
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33342) - you deserved it (2517)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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