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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

#5796915
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31342) - you deserved it (7998)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

#5731008
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35798) - you deserved it (3132)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Augh. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30696) - you deserved it (2529)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

#5526124
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37145) - you deserved it (3336)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

#5423038
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (13990)

On 09/23/2009 at 2:47am - love - by fatty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

#5291155
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45929) - you deserved it (3281)

On 09/16/2009 at 12:19pm - work - by Nakdnathan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

#5274396
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33040) - you deserved it (2744)

On 09/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by notcool - United States (Maryland)

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

#5266141
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19551) - you deserved it (6460)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

#5113950
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19513) - you deserved it (41012)

On 09/07/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by c-mack (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

#4840344
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74250) - you deserved it (3185)

On 08/26/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by rammedbehind (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

#4783460
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54063) - you deserved it (2853)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

#4626949
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33749) - you deserved it (10882)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by itzcorinnelove (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54689) - you deserved it (4505)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)



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