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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

#17597483
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26581) - you deserved it (5061)

On 08/27/2011 at 6:30pm - health - by acnebutt - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

#17365713
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10721) - you deserved it (76111)

On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

#17351481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42141) - you deserved it (3194)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:01am - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39914) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

#16393270
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10779) - you deserved it (49413)

On 05/28/2011 at 9:56pm - misc - by shouldhavecheckedthelock (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

#16334194
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34307) - you deserved it (4421)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm - kids - by OhDear (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30465) - you deserved it (11957)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

#15919270
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32281) - you deserved it (7872)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm - misc - by Text - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43142) - you deserved it (6898)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

#15871654
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33376) - you deserved it (11580)

On 04/21/2011 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

#15532059
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44151) - you deserved it (6625)

On 03/28/2011 at 3:10pm - love - by AFGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

#15354612
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32482) - you deserved it (3546)

On 03/17/2011 at 5:26pm - misc - by boom - United States (Maryland)

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

#15313960
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18768) - you deserved it (41269)

On 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm - kids - by mommylovesu (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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