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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

#21522878
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17360) - you deserved it (1337)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he decided to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

#21522136
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22041) - you deserved it (1330)

On 02/02/2016 at 3:05pm - misc - by wideeyeddays (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

#21521027
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (1579)

On 01/30/2016 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (19193)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

#21513493
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20616) - you deserved it (1408)

On 01/10/2016 at 8:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

#21502917
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18551) - you deserved it (6154)

On 12/12/2015 at 12:22pm - misc - by Knaxer - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

#21500058
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (2688)

On 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

#21496144
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (4151)

On 11/24/2015 at 1:34am - intimacy - by helpme (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

#21495858
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21904) - you deserved it (1961)

On 11/23/2015 at 12:00pm - work - by helpme (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

#21495221
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20471) - you deserved it (2639)

On 11/21/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

#21488845
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (1794)

On 11/05/2015 at 4:34pm - money - by crushedsoul (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

#21486573
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (1450)

On 10/31/2015 at 4:35pm - work - by RandomLG94 - United States (Maryland)

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

#21481486
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24635) - you deserved it (7487)

On 10/18/2015 at 3:18pm - work - by RIPcareer - United States (Maryland)



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