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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

#21312253
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34113) - you deserved it (2470)

On 12/05/2014 at 10:35pm - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (5726)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15357) - you deserved it (23901)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32132) - you deserved it (3028)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going to put some Italian dressing on my salad when I noticed that the oil and vinegar weren't mixed. After putting the cap back on, I shook as hard as I could. The cap came flying off and I showered myself in the dressing. FML

#21258902
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26778) - you deserved it (8038)

On 09/15/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by imamess (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34644) - you deserved it (3600)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

#21256258
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (46527)

On 09/11/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by hockusa3 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43818) - you deserved it (5295)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of boredom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, my car got towed. My money is in my car and they won't let me open my car to get money until my car is "released". FML

#21238660
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38824) - you deserved it (4445)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:30am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40196) - you deserved it (3857)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML



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