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FMLs submitted from Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

#21031501
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43901) - you deserved it (6077)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39813) - you deserved it (7288)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

#20870154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45092) - you deserved it (4743)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by jesus christ, dad (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

#20734756
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43945) - you deserved it (3621)

On 06/19/2013 at 3:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

#20652046
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44822) - you deserved it (2635)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:44pm - kids - by rachelllynne - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

#20571699
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30106) - you deserved it (3194)

On 04/02/2013 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

#20499258
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38299) - you deserved it (4996)

On 02/09/2013 at 7:00am - intimacy - by Lois - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24007) - you deserved it (2298)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

#20039859
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18368) - you deserved it (6484)

On 08/24/2012 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

#19800401
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23485) - you deserved it (1547)

On 06/17/2012 at 4:50am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

#19448273
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36177) - you deserved it (2970)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:53am - health - by Scabby (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23088) - you deserved it (3205)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

#17668711
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34812) - you deserved it (2500)

On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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