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FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

#18429716
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43959) - you deserved it (2987)

On 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

#18309491
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34620) - you deserved it (7006)

On 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

#18138545
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34129) - you deserved it (5275)

On 11/02/2011 at 2:14pm - love - by DrakeScott (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30255) - you deserved it (6811)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

#17914334
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38881) - you deserved it (4118)

On 10/05/2011 at 8:55pm - intimacy - by Forever sad (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

#17913530
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34572) - you deserved it (7552)

On 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm - misc - by Pookaa (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

#17325823
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27275) - you deserved it (3656)

On 07/31/2011 at 11:09pm - love - by notsomuch (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

#17233282
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52171) - you deserved it (6200)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

#17176803
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9506) - you deserved it (69697)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm - misc - by freakfreak12345 - United States (Maine)

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

#17022194
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34644) - you deserved it (3047)

On 07/08/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by chumleevil - United States (Maine)

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

#17017863
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12644) - you deserved it (27642)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my professor handed me back a paper I spent hours upon hours working on. At the bottom in red it said "D" followed by, "that was a gift." FML

#16666880
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24852) - you deserved it (7320)

On 06/14/2011 at 8:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

#13927499
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28161) - you deserved it (3171)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)



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