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FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

#20085042
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (1913)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by creepedasfuck (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22860) - you deserved it (2115)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

#20049540
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (1870)

On 08/30/2012 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

#20047299
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21263) - you deserved it (2572)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:52am - money - by anon - United States (Maine)

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

#20034503
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13934) - you deserved it (6533)

On 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by mr_flarpin (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

#20010519
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (2995)

On 08/08/2012 at 11:29pm - kids - by bellabreeze - United States (Maine)

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

#20002229
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23665) - you deserved it (3181)

On 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by fuckingbeliebers (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

#19929882
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27188) - you deserved it (6103)

On 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by lostforlife - United States (Maine)

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

#19775546
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27510) - you deserved it (8220)

On 06/12/2012 at 7:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

#19694666
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18250) - you deserved it (11882)

On 05/28/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by Shianna (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

#19631017
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25202) - you deserved it (3501)

On 05/16/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by inapickle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6622) - you deserved it (19321)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

#18530892
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30642) - you deserved it (2109)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)



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