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FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

#19694666
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18096) - you deserved it (11797)

On 05/28/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by Shianna (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

#19631017
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24219) - you deserved it (3401)

On 05/16/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by inapickle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6564) - you deserved it (19192)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

#18530892
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (2104)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

#18429716
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43791) - you deserved it (2973)

On 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

#18309491
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33762) - you deserved it (6894)

On 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

#18138545
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33937) - you deserved it (5261)

On 11/02/2011 at 2:14pm - love - by DrakeScott (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30061) - you deserved it (6797)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

#17914334
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38684) - you deserved it (4105)

On 10/05/2011 at 8:55pm - intimacy - by Forever sad (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

#17913530
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32720) - you deserved it (7253)

On 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm - misc - by Pookaa (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

#17325823
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26080) - you deserved it (3562)

On 07/31/2011 at 11:09pm - love - by notsomuch (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

#17233282
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51961) - you deserved it (6190)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

#17176803
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8924) - you deserved it (67143)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm - misc - by freakfreak12345 - United States (Maine)



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