FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

by thankssomuch / 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

by thechaos / 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

by StomachofTinfoil / 11/23/2014 at 8:59pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

by katsaysner / 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

by disgusted / 09/25/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

by idiot bro / 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML

by Sleepdeprived / 06/10/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

by BustedEgo / 03/23/2014 at 1:31am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

by choke on a dick, sir / 11/01/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 7:45am / United States (Maine) / Work