FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

by pocahontas / 10/25/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 4:21am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

by sauce / 09/24/2010 at 2:33am / United States (Louisiana) / Money

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

by hmb / 09/16/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

by lifeguardlechery / 09/14/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, while at work, a woman left her credit card at my register. I tried to return it before she left. Seeing her getting into her car, I jogged after her and yelled, "Wait." She ran over my foot. FML

by ab1e / 05/12/2010 at 4:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

by Betty / 03/17/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

by ThatAintLogical / 12/18/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health