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FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

#14409774
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27608) - you deserved it (6198)

On 12/31/2010 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by legwarmer (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

#14403939
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20092) - you deserved it (7213)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:13am - misc - by brenami (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

#14212357
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (6444)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by penisgrabber - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you deserved it (7858)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58424) - you deserved it (10626)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

#13794199
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21462) - you deserved it (4215)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

#13670033
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (3658)

On 11/01/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

#13595352
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31694) - you deserved it (6228)

On 10/25/2010 at 9:47pm - work - by pocahontas (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

#13534312
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9160) - you deserved it (34270)

On 10/21/2010 at 4:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

#13179613
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25241) - you deserved it (5850)

On 09/24/2010 at 2:33am - money - by sauce - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

#13074561
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (2578)

On 09/16/2010 at 2:50pm - health - by hmb - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

#10870202
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38507) - you deserved it (7636)

On 05/30/2010 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)



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