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FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32476) - you deserved it (9052)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

#17379183
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22972) - you deserved it (2818)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

#16953000
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35526) - you deserved it (2290)

On 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm - health - by blahdyblahblah33 (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

#16837631
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27472) - you deserved it (3540)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:11pm - kids - by Username - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

#16723796
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32374) - you deserved it (5991)

On 06/18/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by callie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

#16661318
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37219) - you deserved it (3528)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by ugh - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

#16561931
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17826) - you deserved it (39023)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

#16277369
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29036) - you deserved it (4113)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

#16166972
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28413) - you deserved it (4870)

On 05/14/2011 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

#16003587
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38266) - you deserved it (3927)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

#15846641
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25793) - you deserved it (20501)

On 04/19/2011 at 12:19pm - misc - by killercow - United States (Louisiana)



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