Today, my girlfriend of 15 months broke up with me. Best part? I just picked up an expensive sterling silver ring engraved with Forever & Always for her last week (she knew about this). The other best part? She asked if she could still have it and if she could keep my hamster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21785) - you totally deserved it (1576)
On 11/11/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by iluvsu504 (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14162) - you totally deserved it (2894)
On 11/09/2009 at 12:05am - love - by alltern8ive (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML
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On 10/13/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML
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On 09/18/2009 at 3:15pm - money - by shushingmoon (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26585) - you totally deserved it (3712)
On 09/09/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by hwood (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you totally deserved it (4750)
On 09/05/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML
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On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5671) - you totally deserved it (52404)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36581) - you totally deserved it (1514)
On 08/04/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by superfiedman (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML
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On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
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On 07/03/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by senelbeat - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
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On 06/13/2009 at 1:17am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Louisiana)
