FMLs submitted from London

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

by holy / 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

by TheSublime / 10/21/2009 at 9:54am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

by NikkiiFireStarter / 10/20/2009 at 6:46am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

by Anonwymous / 10/18/2009 at 6:16am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

by screwed.over / 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

by ProneToBlondeMoments / 10/05/2009 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

by failfailfail / 09/30/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

by qwerty6 / 09/30/2009 at 2:17am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2009 at 8:52am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2009 at 7:43pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

by Karen / 08/31/2009 at 10:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

by Robbins / 08/30/2009 at 10:51pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous