FMLs submitted from London

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

by Marcella_03 / 12/05/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

by tawan / 12/04/2009 at 11:35am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister was dumped by her boyfriend. As my mother was comforting her, I overheard her say "Honey, it's okay, you're the pretty one. Think of those worse off than you. Think of your sister, she might never get a boyfriend." FML

by UglySister / 12/02/2009 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

by hockey / 11/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

by Araya / 11/17/2009 at 11:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

by RedLion23 / 11/03/2009 at 3:08pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

by man / 10/30/2009 at 12:34pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

by Shobz / 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

by nnnaaazzz / 10/24/2009 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous