FMLs submitted from London

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

by Kid / 03/17/2010 at 5:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2010 at 8:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

by girlie5445 / 02/13/2010 at 3:49am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

by Bacular / 02/06/2010 at 4:29am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

by pubquizgenius / 01/27/2010 at 3:24am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 3:46am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

by ohdeargodthatswrong / 01/09/2010 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 4:15pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

by pinky / 01/06/2010 at 1:12pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

by Stinkybedroom / 12/30/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.