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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from London

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

#9158778
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (4836)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by smiler (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

#9154406
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14111) - you deserved it (69287)

On 03/17/2010 at 5:22am - kids - by Kid (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

#9042400
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32621) - you deserved it (6655)

On 03/13/2010 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

#8292337
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29760) - you deserved it (3768)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

#8195721
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18397) - you deserved it (3027)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:49am - love - by girlie5445 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

#7928576
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14424) - you deserved it (4763)

On 02/06/2010 at 4:29am - intimacy - by Bacular (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

#7607297
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4946) - you deserved it (14675)

On 01/27/2010 at 3:24am - misc - by pubquizgenius (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

#7315075
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (2723)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18675) - you deserved it (5899)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16108) - you deserved it (4667)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

#7183146
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30645) - you deserved it (2261)

On 01/06/2010 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

#7181113
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8170) - you deserved it (44086)

On 01/06/2010 at 1:12pm - kids - by pinky (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML



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