FMLs submitted from London, City of

Today, my father complained to me about his lack of money. He makes twice as much as me, and doesn't pay rent, electricity or water. FML

by estrelladam / 03/08/2016 at 3:52pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

by NotBeingPaidEnough / 03/03/2016 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, just 1 month after giving me a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it for Christmas, my boyfriend of three years ended everything out of the blue. That was a short infinity. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 7:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 9:18am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I stopped a guy from running under a moving London bus. No-one else saw what happened. How did the guy thank me? He wanted to fight me because I made him miss the bus I just saved him from. FML

by UKRukus / 01/18/2016 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

by KamiAzaaaaaa / 12/11/2015 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

by BUSTED. / 12/01/2015 at 2:02pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

by anon. / 11/17/2015 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

by Porche / 11/12/2015 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, 'Congratulations, you have a new match'. FML

by anon / 11/10/2015 at 10:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love