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FMLs submitted from London, City of

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31888) - you deserved it (4203)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24935) - you deserved it (4162)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27897) - you deserved it (10032)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28761) - you deserved it (3419)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

#21379507
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (2498)

On 03/22/2015 at 2:19pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

#21378919
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28113) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by poop - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (84)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

#21373070
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32274) - you deserved it (3653)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:53am - love - by mylovelifeisanepicfail (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29981) - you deserved it (13194)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

#21345740
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (2850)

On 01/28/2015 at 6:18pm - work - by amyhyett - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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