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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from London, City of

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

#21462016
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21308) - you deserved it (1484)

On 08/29/2015 at 4:50am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22934) - you deserved it (2016)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18720) - you deserved it (8098)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

#21454901
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28257) - you deserved it (2829)

On 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm - work - by NotJobbing (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32041) - you deserved it (4214)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (4556)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27979) - you deserved it (10068)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (3718)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

#21379507
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22428) - you deserved it (2498)

On 03/22/2015 at 2:19pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

#21378919
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28125) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by poop - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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