Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML
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On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML
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On 11/03/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by RedLion23 (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
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On 10/30/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by man (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML
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On 10/27/2009 at 6:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
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On 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Shobz (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
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On 10/24/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
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On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. Her dad has put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML
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On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML
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On 10/20/2009 at 6:46am - kids - by NikkiiFireStarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
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On 10/18/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by Anonwymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML
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On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML
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On 10/05/2009 at 7:25pm - work - by ProneToBlondeMoments (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
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On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)
