FMLs submitted from Lancashire

Today, I made 2 beautifully decorated cakes for Mother's Day. One was for my mother in law and the other for my mum. I came down to pack my mum's and found they had both been half eaten. My brother in law decided he wanted to try a bit of both to decide which was better. FML

Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML

by Emma / 01/04/2016 at 10:08pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

by dannidoll93 / 08/22/2015 at 10:59am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

by MoonStarShine3 / 06/09/2015 at 12:12pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

by scared and alone / 03/13/2015 at 2:47pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

by anonymous / 02/24/2015 at 6:50am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

by dogbreederssuck / 02/03/2015 at 10:26am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

by goodbyediet / 01/30/2015 at 6:00am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

by idonthaveauserna / 10/09/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

by Jenniesaurus / 09/04/2014 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2014 at 10:34am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2014 at 5:46am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2014 at 9:07pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love