FMLs submitted from Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

by hk / 09/20/2016 at 11:29am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

by MedChew / 10/30/2015 at 1:01pm / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Health

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

by horsefuck / 08/07/2015 at 8:51am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

by MedChew / 05/08/2015 at 8:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 11:05am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

by didntevenknow / 08/13/2012 at 11:06am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 4:35am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

by dizzy / 03/07/2011 at 2:28am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

by rosmaizura / 10/01/2010 at 3:39am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 10:45am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

by fmylife / 08/26/2010 at 6:09am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

by everyonehatesme / 05/02/2010 at 4:37am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Geek