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FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

#17605215
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (2069)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:18pm - misc - by ant_hater (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

#17539435
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29713) - you deserved it (2722)

On 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

#17413656
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (11268)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by **(: - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

#17326829
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27931) - you deserved it (5182)

On 08/01/2011 at 12:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

#17066979
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33092) - you deserved it (2550)

On 07/11/2011 at 2:16pm - misc - by BMike - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

#16985771
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41107) - you deserved it (4081)

On 07/05/2011 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Jessie (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

#16722339
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28072) - you deserved it (14333)

On 06/18/2011 at 12:45am - misc - by sucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

#16616782
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44162) - you deserved it (3628)

On 06/11/2011 at 8:54pm - misc - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

#16556995
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (12909)

On 06/08/2011 at 1:21am - intimacy - by kimboslice106 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

#16221236
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13068) - you deserved it (63711)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

#15999720
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53037) - you deserved it (3976)

On 05/01/2011 at 1:50am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

#15991792
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you deserved it (9654)

On 04/30/2011 at 3:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (65820)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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