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FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22118) - you deserved it (2529)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

#19991299
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30350) - you deserved it (1516)

On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

#19986265
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23271) - you deserved it (2016)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10098) - you deserved it (35004)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

#19979933
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6322) - you deserved it (54033)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

#19952787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17942) - you deserved it (1677)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:06am - health - by tm - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

#19911168
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56784) - you deserved it (2554)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

#19854055
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14523) - you deserved it (19327)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:29am - health - by purpleskylight - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

#19832174
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (3072)

On 06/23/2012 at 1:17am - misc - by blah56 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

#19736347
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14188) - you deserved it (31223)

On 06/05/2012 at 12:27am - love - by Josie - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

#19464550
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22652) - you deserved it (3696)

On 04/14/2012 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

#19449205
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16197) - you deserved it (2278)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:06am - misc - by Sios (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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