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FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

#20132367
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17714) - you deserved it (1348)

On 10/25/2012 at 2:59am - work - by TheHarvardian (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

#20064293
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (4239)

On 09/09/2012 at 4:34am - love - by JB (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

#20060179
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18981) - you deserved it (1498)

On 09/06/2012 at 7:15am - work - by Jessica S. (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21360) - you deserved it (2467)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

#19991299
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29320) - you deserved it (1455)

On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

#19986265
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20042) - you deserved it (1761)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8750) - you deserved it (31843)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

#19979933
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5341) - you deserved it (49633)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

#19952787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16247) - you deserved it (1531)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:06am - health - by tm - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

#19911168
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52574) - you deserved it (2246)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

#19854055
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13347) - you deserved it (18070)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:29am - health - by purpleskylight - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

#19832174
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26645) - you deserved it (2844)

On 06/23/2012 at 1:17am - misc - by blah56 - United States (Kentucky)



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