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FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

#4165999
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41827) - you deserved it (26503)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

#4105685
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7540) - you deserved it (112527)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by idiot (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

#4080765
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64522) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40017) - you deserved it (23197)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

#3889146
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34885) - you deserved it (11359)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

#3211870
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33361) - you deserved it (69942)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

#3102076
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9862) - you deserved it (58731)

On 06/21/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by TheFlash (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

#2953608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42464) - you deserved it (4274)

On 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

#2905430
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51917) - you deserved it (3498)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:45am - misc - by ZAS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

#2697150
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72413) - you deserved it (5645)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - intimacy - by BW (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

#2634152
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57511) - you deserved it (3518)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by layout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

#2226575
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53340) - you deserved it (8836)

On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

#2187535
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56081) - you deserved it (3314)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)



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