Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3963) - you totally deserved it (20663)
On 10/26/2009 at 6:18pm - love - by P4ntless (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by MessedXUp (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by noballs - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML
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On 08/15/2009 at 11:02am - misc - by playinmyguitar (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27175) - you totally deserved it (10437)
On 08/11/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Lilly_28 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML
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On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by idiot (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the isle. It didn't disappear. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML
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On 07/19/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23961) - you totally deserved it (45508)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML
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On 06/21/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by TheFlash (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
