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FMLs submitted from Kent

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

#20022255
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30577) - you deserved it (3265)

On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27278) - you deserved it (4165)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

#19222051
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (9873)

On 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by Alfie4 (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

#18492727
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15307) - you deserved it (27516)

On 12/12/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by firemansam - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

#15528059
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32189) - you deserved it (4150)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

#15379416
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57168) - you deserved it (8305)

On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

#13586987
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (2739)

On 10/25/2010 at 4:28am - intimacy - by kimbo (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

#12874648
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9314) - you deserved it (37685)

On 09/02/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by nakedyogagirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was helping a friend move. Before we arrived, he put his key on my key ring to keep it safe. When we got there, he promptly shoved my front door key into the lock and snapped it clean off. Not only can we not get into his house, but now I can't get back into mine. FML

#12107955
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30159) - you deserved it (3926)

On 07/25/2010 at 6:47pm - misc - by Luke (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

#8550673
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7931) - you deserved it (37812)

On 02/22/2010 at 10:35am - health - by AngelAshley (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

#7118046
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37328) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/03/2010 at 1:53am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

#4498391
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50473) - you deserved it (2635)

On 08/13/2009 at 10:00am - money - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

#2774700
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14563) - you deserved it (72328)

On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)



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