FMLs submitted from Kent

Today, I realised that it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

by Cian_1 / 12/28/2015 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

by _schaden_freude / 12/27/2015 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

by sleepingonmydesk / 06/29/2015 at 5:28am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

by AGB10 / 06/23/2014 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Work

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

by DisturbedMan / 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

by BarryShitpeas / 09/19/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

by fatmom / 04/10/2013 at 9:26am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Kids

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

by dumping time / 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt / 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous