FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

by wrongcar / 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

by StellaSanguina / 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm / United States (Kansas) / Money

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

by Porcelain / 10/03/2009 at 9:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

by QuestionMyLife / 09/30/2009 at 8:56pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

by CaeliLady / 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

by footinmouth / 09/13/2009 at 1:14am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

by thisrllysucks / 09/05/2009 at 10:16am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

by denied / 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Kansas) / Love