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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

#3950301
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75196) - you deserved it (6080)

On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

#3855655
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52761) - you deserved it (3704)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm - intimacy - by nonmormon (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

#3180871
443 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77943) - you deserved it (11848)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

#3069493
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50868) - you deserved it (5354)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

#2376040
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50781) - you deserved it (3467)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:51pm - love - by loserface23 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52957) - you deserved it (8632)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

#964026
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67936) - you deserved it (4144)

On 04/14/2009 at 2:13am - work - by Bob (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

#739087
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11716) - you deserved it (49342)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89824) - you deserved it (7042)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43096) - you deserved it (6866)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

#158418
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49755) - you deserved it (4406)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:54am - kids - by EmmaG123 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

#98981
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you deserved it (3732)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by stinker (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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