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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

#6134819
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33042) - you deserved it (2125)

On 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by wrongcar - United States (Kansas)

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

#5732047
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29821) - you deserved it (6071)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by StellaSanguina (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

#5573179
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22612) - you deserved it (11733)

On 09/30/2009 at 8:56pm - misc - by QuestionMyLife - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

#5445313
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33134) - you deserved it (6040)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

#5235407
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31534) - you deserved it (5671)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - love - by CaeliLady (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

#5220953
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30117) - you deserved it (12215)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by footinmouth (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

#5058289
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44196) - you deserved it (9553)

On 09/05/2009 at 10:16am - love - by thisrllysucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

#4572721
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57054) - you deserved it (9892)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

#4466050
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31110) - you deserved it (56941)

On 08/12/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

#4465464
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63240) - you deserved it (9240)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

#4453766
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49283) - you deserved it (8085)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm - love - by denied (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

#4309429
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46287) - you deserved it (2835)

On 08/05/2009 at 2:17pm - love - by kelizabeth (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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