FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

by Megara / 03/15/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

by niiiiiiiiiikki / 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

by Hannah / 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2010 at 9:57am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

by blueberry_hill / 12/11/2010 at 11:16am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

by ShaunBomb / 12/11/2010 at 1:11am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:06am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 1:26am / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

by WTF / 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

by tracie / 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 7:36am / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

by dmvsucks / 09/13/2010 at 11:14am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

by NowHomeless / 08/31/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous