FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 7:49pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

by bummerdood / 08/26/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

by Aaron Lewis / 07/07/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

by rj / 05/12/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2012 at 7:35pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

by Matchtopia / 01/17/2012 at 7:21pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

by tbw / 01/11/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

by smurfisurfer1 / 12/12/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous