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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

#16277483
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20104) - you deserved it (33529)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Cassie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

#15959633
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31675) - you deserved it (10956)

On 04/28/2011 at 2:22am - love - by ummno (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

#15635738
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8797) - you deserved it (29969)

On 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Username - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

#15477659
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22161) - you deserved it (3907)

On 03/25/2011 at 1:50am - animals - by caseyj (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

#15317811
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26319) - you deserved it (10706)

On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

#14509671
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18133) - you deserved it (1826)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm - work - by niiiiiiiiiikki - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

#14284666
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27661) - you deserved it (5868)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Hannah - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

#14189329
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24661) - you deserved it (5732)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

#14165047
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (4997)

On 12/11/2010 at 11:16am - kids - by blueberry_hill (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

#14161445
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23468) - you deserved it (2048)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:11am - misc - by ShaunBomb - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

#14032053
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13887) - you deserved it (24254)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

#13932750
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9615) - you deserved it (17293)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

#13601859
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24337) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm - love - by WTF - United States (Kansas)



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