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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46214) - you deserved it (7211)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46517) - you deserved it (7401)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dog played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20991879
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36872) - you deserved it (6342)

On 12/14/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by Crystal_Nicole - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was jogging on my farm when I discovered a cave. Unfortunately for me, I discovered said cave by tripping and falling into it where there was still a 10ft drop to the bottom. FML

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

#20941432
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17281) - you deserved it (44605)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my husband told his mom that she can move in with us once his time in the army is over. We are moving into my house, and he didn't think it was important to run it by me first. FML

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

#20930096
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42252) - you deserved it (2825)

On 10/22/2013 at 10:24am - kids - by jdawn99 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32608) - you deserved it (6341)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38229) - you deserved it (4062)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

#20854112
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41053) - you deserved it (4525)

On 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

#20842136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (4319)

On 08/17/2013 at 8:27pm - love - by WartCream - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44928) - you deserved it (7145)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48654) - you deserved it (4916)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)



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