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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32904) - you deserved it (2463)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20261) - you deserved it (151)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (3821)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

#21151208
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38944) - you deserved it (6377)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:46pm - love - by aww, such a nice guy. NOT (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50154) - you deserved it (5015)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

#21143130
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36570) - you deserved it (20700)

On 05/17/2014 at 5:34pm - work - by cargaljen - United States (Kansas)

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

#21095607
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35266) - you deserved it (10011)

On 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

#21041939
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42882) - you deserved it (4711)

On 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45648) - you deserved it (30948)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41586) - you deserved it (5101)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (7334)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50444) - you deserved it (7943)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)



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