FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

by kaylashay2k13 / 05/17/2016 at 10:18am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML

by cactusfears / 04/02/2016 at 3:48pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

by yourekillingme / 02/18/2016 at 11:12pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 9:51pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

by kaitiem224 / 10/21/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/13/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went by myself to do a birthday party in a park, dressed as Elsa from Frozen. Everything was going fine until another Elsa and an Anna showed up to a nearby party. The kids then decided I was a fake and pulled my wig off. FML

by princessrose / 07/09/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

by WarMachine68 / 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

by anon / 05/06/2015 at 8:50am / United States (Kansas) / Love