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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28662) - you deserved it (2797)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14633) - you deserved it (24804)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (3112)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30923) - you deserved it (2817)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26210) - you deserved it (6)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

#21349360
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32348) - you deserved it (2357)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:39pm - misc - by FrustratedTutor - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

#21322311
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:22pm - misc - by killerxdeagles - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30026) - you deserved it (3435)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37161) - you deserved it (3423)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (2457)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20200) - you deserved it (115)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37684) - you deserved it (3819)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)



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