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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (2720)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

#21517155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11689) - you deserved it (20668)

On 01/19/2016 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

#21508686
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19343) - you deserved it (1468)

On 12/28/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

#21482809
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29021) - you deserved it (2670)

On 10/21/2015 at 10:52pm - love - by kaitiem224 - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

#21480543
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26756) - you deserved it (2098)

On 10/15/2015 at 8:57pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27296) - you deserved it (2096)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went by myself to do a birthday party in a park, dressed as Elsa from Frozen. Everything was going fine until another Elsa and an Anna showed up to a nearby party. The kids then decided I was a fake and pulled my wig off. FML

#21439169
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you deserved it (2470)

On 07/09/2015 at 7:08pm - work - by princessrose - United States (Kansas)

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

#21421827
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24624) - you deserved it (1950)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm - work - by WarMachine68 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30880) - you deserved it (3228)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15667) - you deserved it (26621)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31829) - you deserved it (3463)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34795) - you deserved it (3393)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28218) - you deserved it (3136)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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