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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29426) - you deserved it (3397)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35008) - you deserved it (3113)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31001) - you deserved it (2181)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (26)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37546) - you deserved it (3806)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

#21151208
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36300) - you deserved it (5973)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:46pm - love - by aww, such a nice guy. NOT (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48111) - you deserved it (4823)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

#21143130
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35166) - you deserved it (19911)

On 05/17/2014 at 5:34pm - work - by cargaljen - United States (Kansas)

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

#21095607
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32795) - you deserved it (9442)

On 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

#21041939
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (4690)

On 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45405) - you deserved it (30784)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

#21030844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39626) - you deserved it (4885)

On 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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