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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (9839)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6726) - you deserved it (37130)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33550) - you deserved it (9856)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24353) - you deserved it (2612)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

#20166401
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18761) - you deserved it (3763)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

#20120904
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14056) - you deserved it (2538)

On 10/17/2012 at 11:53am - animals - by JennyPenny (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

#20097230
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14310) - you deserved it (885)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

#20084035
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12141) - you deserved it (1854)

On 09/22/2012 at 7:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

#20072880
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12718) - you deserved it (2207)

On 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

#20041946
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14335) - you deserved it (5105)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:15am - love - by bummerdood (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

#19903103
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17733) - you deserved it (6807)

On 07/07/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Aaron Lewis - United States (Kansas)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

#19675314
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12504) - you deserved it (2443)

On 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

#19611188
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26139) - you deserved it (3820)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by rj - United States (Kansas)



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