FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

by Rosie J. / 11/09/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

by yoyyo / 11/07/2016 at 1:29am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

by kpjc / 10/20/2016 at 8:29pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

by BroadwayBaby1997 / 09/17/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Kansas) / Geek

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

by idiocy Trumps reason / 08/10/2016 at 11:32am / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I was trying to get a good night's sleep before the huge exam tomorrow, which I'm extremely anxious about. The SAME night my neighbor below me is having a home birth. It lasted NINE HOURS. FML

by katiebug / 07/11/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Kansas) / Geek

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

by nickorion12 / 06/28/2016 at 10:21am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2016 at 11:29pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 1:43pm / Animals

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 8:06am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

by kaylashay2k13 / 05/17/2016 at 10:18am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation