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yesterday I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling lyk I was in the process of defacating." FML
TODAY, I REALIZED THE GUY I'VE BEEN HOOKING UP WITH HAS A DAUGHTER WHO IS A YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME . AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, I ALSO FOUND OUT SHE HAD A CHILD OF HER OWN . I'VE BEEN HOOKING UP WITH A GRANDPA . FAT FML
Taday I was at mah boyfriends house, meeting his family 4 the first time!! We were all standing in the kitchenhen suddenly a smallhite and brown mouse ran by!! As a natural instinct, I stompd on it!! Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier!! FML
My "best Friend" Invited Me To Drink With Her And A Couple Other Friends. She Told Me To "just Bring A Few Bucks For Beer". When I Got There , No One Else Had Brought Money , Including Her. They Only Invited Me Because I'm The Only One With A Job. FML
Today I was working mah shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents cummed in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way no tip because you stink at serving." FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML
Today, as I looool was bent over at mah waitressing job an elderly woman walkd by and smackd mah ass . I lookd at her, shockd, and she said, "It was too tempting with u bent over lyk that, I have a drty old mind." I didn't knowhether to be flatterd or horrifid . Maybe both . FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister 4 fun. I hid behind a door an leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears an ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, an was so angry that she punched me in the eye. real FML
2day I stepped out of my car and slipped on a fresh coating of ice on the ground. I tried to catch myself by grabbing the car on my way down, but unfortunately, I was trying to grab with the hand that was holding my car keys. I key-scratched my own car.
Friday 27 March 2015