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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

#20069676
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5858) - you deserved it (32263)

On 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

#20031010
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33031) - you deserved it (3654)

On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

#19703375
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29025) - you deserved it (9200)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:37am - work - by Fackwork (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (1652)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

#19532931
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (3864)

On 04/26/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by HAIRY (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

#19404981
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19795) - you deserved it (2544)

On 04/04/2012 at 1:43am - love - by heartsick (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

#18976383
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32899) - you deserved it (7138)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by Mrs. Man (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

#18286686
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32311) - you deserved it (2660)

On 11/19/2011 at 2:58am - misc - by Tyler - United States (Iowa)

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

#18207765
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23136) - you deserved it (5676)

On 11/10/2011 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

#17901158
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27080) - you deserved it (3184)

On 10/04/2011 at 12:48am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

#17457202
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39002) - you deserved it (16264)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

#17425463
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31567) - you deserved it (6063)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:48am - misc - by thatfatkid - United States (Iowa)

Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML

#17376704
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28914) - you deserved it (2586)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:42am - work - by jhftrainer23 - United States (Iowa)



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