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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

#20634292
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35825) - you deserved it (7012)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:40am - health - by ChangMu - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49228) - you deserved it (22017)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

#20540831
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31565) - you deserved it (2556)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by Hopelesshomeless (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

#20527472
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (2783)

On 03/01/2013 at 10:17pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

#20513755
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28490) - you deserved it (5522)

On 02/19/2013 at 5:47pm - love - by katwingz (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27897) - you deserved it (3215)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24803) - you deserved it (9192)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

#20466661
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31292) - you deserved it (3289)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by dpap - United States (Iowa)

Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML

#20438571
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31990) - you deserved it (2438)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Megz (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

#20194701
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (2468)

On 12/07/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by SBCR (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28034) - you deserved it (5902)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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